so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
NoShamevember. You game?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize