I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My bed smells like the plague
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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