I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
