I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize