how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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