Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
