3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
