I think my vagina is haunted
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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