1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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