I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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