i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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