I just pynch a tree in the face
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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