im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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