i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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