Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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