Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize