dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
