I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize