I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize