i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
