and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
