I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
