Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
