We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's shark week go big or go home
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
