Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
