i'm signing you up for texting rehab
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
