I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
