please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
