Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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