Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
