is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
