Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize