DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
