Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
