i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fuck appropriateness.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
