Don't make out with my wife yet
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
