I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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