I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
