Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
