Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
