The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
