haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
