whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
