You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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