That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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