I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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