Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
