i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
