I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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