How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
