he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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