My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
