..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
