The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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