Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize