Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize