So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
