Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm always down for nudity.
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