Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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