dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
