So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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