Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
