Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
