Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
