she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
