you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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