I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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