im about as happy as oj after his trial
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize