Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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