matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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