It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
