You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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