Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
