He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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