found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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