you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
