FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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