So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
