This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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