Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
