we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
MIDGETS
????
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
