You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
