I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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