Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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