She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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