apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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