Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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