My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
