I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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