I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
