These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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