Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
