Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
