Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
