saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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